In defense of cunts everywhere

Samantha Bee told the truth about Ivanka Trump: She is a cunt. Her dad’s a cunt, too, and her brother Donald Jr., of course. Grandpa Trump, the president’s daddy, who was once arrested at a KKK rally, is perhaps the mother of all Trump cunts. 

Oh, and let’s not forget Jared Kushner. He’s a big cunt, too.

But in fairness, calling them cunts is a grave injustice to the word itself. For as ugly as this family of liars, swindlers and cheats may be, a cunt is a beautiful thing. It is a giver of life and a dispenser of pleasure.

Whether you’re gay or straight, bi or trans, who doesn’t love a cunt? 

Everyone’s mom had one.

I humbly suggest that we reclaim the word and rescue it from its undeserved infamy. From now on, if someone is truly despicable, why don’t we just call them a Trump?

This, of course, raises some challenging usage questions. Can you be a dirty Trump?

This seems redundant. Likewise, “scummy Trump” seems superfluous. A simple Trump will suffice.

In this spirit, I will refer to the next person who robs me of a point in tennis as Trump. “You Trump! That ball was in!”

Can we use Trump as both noun and verb?

But of course. For example, if someone fleeces you by offering a course on How to Become a Real Estate Billionaire but staffs it with a bunch of incompetents, it is perfectly appropriate to exclaim: “That sleaze bag Trumped me!”

In this sense, Trump is more versatile than cunt, whose usage is appropriately restricted to the nominative case.

So let’s give cunts everywhere a break. Associating them with liars and cheats, hucksters and gangsters, is simply unfair.

Let’s just call a fucking Trump a Trump.